I can’t. I cannot parent with a person who treats me as if I’m not the best mother a child could ever ask for. I cannot parent with a someone who downs each and every single parent skills there are to offer a toddler. I cannot parent with someone who is trying to rip the life I carried and almost died over & I will die for away from me. I cannot parent with someone who was careless and nonchalant and still can be yet somehow they seem to have the system fooled. I cannot parent with someone who smiles at me. It’s not a kind smile it is a hurtful spiteful smile. I cannot parent with someone who hurt me in all kinds of ways when others weren’t around. I cannot parent with someone who makes me feel like I’m irrational or crazy because I notice and see things that were never there before. That were never an issue before. Mommies know everything with their babies we are not perfect but our instincts are what gets us and our children through life. The proof and difference in the care and love we give and offer. I cannot do it. I loose hope. It brakes me. I cry so much I should feel relieved when all I feel is my heart being broken and squeezed while I scream on the inside. That frogy feeling in my throat as if someone is forcing it closed. It’s that sadness as if you have lost someone. As if you have no more room to fight for anything. I feel all of this and yet I still manage to be a mother and I still walk with faith for my children’s sake. I will never stop fighting but I feel like I’m loosing everything. What hurts more is being pregnant and an innocent life going through and feeling all of what I feel. I cannot do it but I will. God, please fix this.
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